“Stop acting like you’re five!” Fingers twirled playfully in his hair in response and his scowl grew. “Knock it off!” Nick cried, pushing at Kevin.

“I can’t help it.”

“You always say that; why can’t you leave me alone?”

“I don’t want to leave you alone.” Kevin paused with a smirk. “I always say that.”

Nick shook his head with a slight grin and even more slight reddening of his cheeks. “But I don’t like it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Pleased, Nick licked his lips.

“Oh, that reminds me, I got you something.”

“Huh?”

“For your birthday. It’s late, I know,” Kevin said, reaching into his bag. “But when I saw it, I thought of you.”

Taken aback, Nick watched as Kevin pulled a couple objects from where they had been tucked away deep in Kevin’s black shoulder bag. “You brought it with you?” Nick asked, quiet and reserved.

“That’s why I brought my bag.”

“You couldn’t give it to me when we got to your house?”

“I didn’t want to do it in front of Kristin. And I want you to use it now.”

“Oh...” Nick replied, raising an eyebrow and scrunching the other, perplexed. “We are in public, you know.”

Kevin glanced up at Nick, displeased. That look made Nick shrink a little; as if, just through Kevin’s eyes, Nick could tell Kevin wanted to call him an idiot. Kevin grabbed Nick’s arm, pulling him to the side between some cars. After seeing the ‘present’, Nick seemed to shrivel even more. Kevin had actually taken time to wrap it. Oh, and a card, too.

“Here,” Kevin said, handing Nick the card, “do it now.”

Nick bit his lip and examined it, his butt against the hood of a car, above the tire. “Oh no you didn’t,” Nick said, not able to help his grin as he noticed “Music Mania” printed on the flap of the envelope.

Kevin’s ears drew back somewhat with his coy smile. “Yeah, well, I saw it, and... I mean, how many people can give a birthday card with their face on it?”

“It’s not the one with my face on it, is it? I’ll kill you if it is. And, people already decided it was clever to do it and gave me it. Oh yeah, it’s so cute seeing myself give myself the one birthday wish for a happy one or something stupid like that,” Nick said, irritated, as he ripped the card open.

Nick never was one to take his time.

“It’s the other birthday Boy one,” Kevin calmly replied, his eyes sparkling.

“Oh my god, Kevin!” Nick shouted with girly glee after pulling the card out. “How’d you know he was my favorite?”

Kevin chuckled lightly. “Just read the inside.”

“ ‘Have a Kevin-ly heavenly birthday.’ Awe, that is the sweetest thing. How did you ever come up with it?” he said, though the words were obviously pre-printed. He held the card over his heart with both hands to exaggerate his sentiment even more.

“And you will.” At once, Kevin’s knee pushed between Nick’s legs and Nick’s lips pressed against his own. The aluminum hood clunked and puckered under the added weight, along with their shifting. Kevin’s fist curled into Nick’s hair, holding his head from behind as he kissed him hard.

“Kevin,” Nick breathed when Kevin’s lips briefly pulled enough away from his. “What if someone’s watching?”

“They’re not,” Kevin muttered in reply, looking to delve deeper into Nick’s mouth, and knowing Nick couldn’t help but kiss him back. Hidden between the mass of cars which surrounded them, and luckily a couple vans, Kevin felt safe enough to touch him.

Kevin gradually lessened their kiss, planting lighter and lighter ones on Nick’s lips to his cheek, to his ear. “You’re wearing makeup today, aren’t you?” he whispered, his breath blowing against his ear gently afterwards.

“Just a little bit,” Nick whispered back, sneaking an arm out from where it stuck pinned between their chests to lightly hold the curve of Kevin’s lower back. “Do you like it?”

“You know I like you pretty.” Kevin slowly backed off, a hand grazing the soft side of Nick’s shirt.

“You almost made me drop my card,” Nick said, pretending to be appalled.

“It’s been a long time. I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry...if you didn’t want me to.”

“I always want you to.”

Kevin didn’t reply.

Nick shifted, uncomfortable, but relieved when Kevin backed off and changed the subject. “Here. Open it now.”

“What if I don’t?” Nick asked, picking at a piece of scotch tape on the box after taking it.

“You will.”

“But what if I don’t now?”

Kevin shrugged. “You’re always difficult.”

“So are you,” Nick composedly replied, yanking a flap of the wrapping paper free. He lifted his eyes to Kevin’s from the package. “I’ll wait.”

~~~~~~~

Nick flopped on the couch, sinking into the leather without another care in the world. Putting his feet up, he carelessly lounged with his head against the low arm of the couch. He didn’t consider Kevin’s reaction to the fact that he still had his shoes on--he just knew it felt comfortable.

He stayed there, flipping through the channels, all his stuff settled in, as Kevin wandered around doing whatever Kevin did. While Kristin...well Nick had no idea where she was. He didn’t care, either.

Nick liked Kevin’s house. He liked getting to stay with him every once in a while. It felt nice. He liked not feeling so alone, not being alone, when they were off tour like this. He liked not having to go out at night to try and avoid that loneliness, and the discomfort from having nobody around. He just felt right here, never mind getting to be around Kevin. The ache from missing him, being away, was far worse than he could ever admit. But, deep down inside, they seemed to have this mutual understanding, as if they each knew exactly why Nick needed to “visit” so often, but never openly acknowledged it. They never got to do anything though. Not since Kevin’s marriage, anyway. Oh they still did things, but only on tour every odd day in a hotel room.

Nick always visited Kevin’s home. This had gone on for the past few years or so, since they first started playing, for a couple days to a week every now and then. Whenever the group parted. Oh the things they did. Nick never felt better in his life during those times. Love, just love, the whole time.

But not anymore. Not since her. Nick didn’t hate her or anything. No resentment tainted his blood. Kevin helped prevent it. Kevin loved Nick when he could. And Kevin let Nick still come to him, to his home. But both understood, there would be no sex in their home, as it was not just Kevin’s anymore.

The light seemed to have disappeared from the room before Nick could take note of it. He stretched, yawning, arching his back, and straining his arms out, as a cat would, though Nick had no notion of this likeness. He slumped back against the couch, turning from his side to his back and plainly gazed around the living room to finally notice the darkness. He didn’t mind it, and made no effort to turn on a light. The white glow of the TV was enough.

Feeling disappointed, he sighed. No Kevin. He wanted to see Kevin, and he hadn’t since they’d gotten to his house.

Nick’s stomach hurt, too. He wanted to eat.

Where did Kevin go? He had to know Nick was hungry. It had been, like, four hours since he’d eaten.

Nick sat up a bit, peering over the edge of the couch. “What?” he asked, his voice high-pitched and whispering, as if somehow the lack of light he saw in the direction of the kitchen had betrayed him.

“Mmm,” he moaned, holding the ache in his stomach. The pain didn’t actually bother him that much, he just didn’t like knowing he would have to get up and make an effort to get something to eat.

“Kevin,” he lightly called with his best whine. “Make me something to eat!”

“Why should I?” a calm close voice replied.

“Oh my god,” Nick gasped, tensing. He watched Kevin emerge from the shadows as he tried to steady his heart. “God, why didn’t you just jump on me, yelling ‘boo!’ as loud as you could?” Nick pouted, but still with this tinge of maturity.

“Okay,” Kevin nonchalantly replied, immediately pouncing on the large, unsuspecting figure who lolled horizontally on the couch. He pushed his face into Nick’s. “Boo!”

Nick grimaced, whimpering.

Kevin laughed.

“God, I didn’t think you actually would.”

“But you just said what I just did hadn’t scared you enough, so I took you up on your suggestion. Did it work?” Kevin asked, playing innocent and hovering over him on all fours.

“Why did you want to scare me?” Nick asked, even more innocent than Kevin’s attempt, pouring out the hurt. This hurt was real, for the most part anyway, and he chose not to hide it with Kevin. He could get what he wanted through it. Well, most of the time.

“Why do you want me to feed you? To make something for you?”

“Because it’s your house,” Nick softly replied with childlike simplicity.

“So that makes me your servant? I think you staying in my home, should make you have to do things for me,” Kevin roguishly replied, letting his hips slyly drop, his body closer.

“But I’m the guest. You’re supposed to be nice to me.”

“Really?” Kevin paused, and Nick couldn’t come up with words for a reply. “What are you watching?” Kevin asked, still on Nick, turning his attention to the TV.

“I don’t know; it’s crap now,” Nick replied, keeping his eyes on Kevin’s face, enthralled.

“Oh.” Nestling deep into Nick’s neck, Kevin’s face came back to him. His lips sucked lightly with gentle kisses.

Nick closed his eyes, absorbing this small moment of bliss. He curled his leg over the back of Kevin’s knee. Closer. “Where’s Kristin?”

“Upstairs,” Kevin answered, repositioning himself to suck the dent between Nick’s collarbone.

“Kevin, what are you doing. What if she...” Nick trailed off, wanting, needing, but knowing his arousal would be of no purpose. But he decided not to avoid it, and indulge in Kevin and being near. It felt too good. Besides, he could always go to the bathroom and finish it all off as soon as Kevin left.

“She’s sleeping, don’t worry,” Kevin whispered. Nick felt fingers on his chest, groping through the snugness of his T-shirt. Kevin kissed through it, caressing him. Each shot shudders of shivers down Nick’s spine, directly to his crotch.

“But what if she comes down and sees-”

“It’s okay; she knows,” Kevin softly replied, descending even farther with his kisses, stroking and holding Nick’s chest and abdomen as he went.

“You told her about us?” Nick cried with delicate betrayal. “You said you wouldn’t! You said we couldn’t!”

“That’s not it—she knows I’m bi.”

“Really?” Nick asked, perking up a bit, especially since Kevin now straddled his shins, diligently pushing up Nick’s T-shirt to reveal his smooth belly. He shivered deep inside. His belly he found to be a vulnerable area, his weakness. When exposed, he felt helpless, defenseless, and even more so when somebody touched him there. But with Kevin it was different. He still felt the dread, worry, anxiety, and weakness, but it turned him on. Kevin added the eroticism to it. And he trusted Kevin. Kevin proved Nick could find pleasure in the place he held so much shame. And, being that so few had gotten to see or touch it, that made it all the more sensitive.

“Yeah, she’s into it.”

“Oh,” Nick gasped, almost shrieking, especially susceptible to the feel of Kevin’s thin lips converging with the softness of his stomach. “And she...and she-she wouldn’t-she wouldn’t be mad?” Nick stuttered, finding it difficult to concentrate as Kevin’s tongue found his nipple.

“I don’t think so.” Kevin continued to occupy himself with Nick, stimulating and tasting him until he chose to travel lower again. “But she won’t find out, anyway,” Kevin plainly informed, tugging at the button of Nick’s jeans.

“But if she-”

“Shhh,” Kevin reassuringly shushed, slowly pulling Nick’s zipper down. As if he were opening a package, he pushed the flaps of Nick’s pants to the side.

Nick watched, head propped up and mouth open as the heavy breaths rushed in and out.

“You scared?” Kevin asked, and lightly traced his fingers over the black cotton bulge.

“I don’t wanna be caught,” Nick whispered in response with intensely focused attention. “But I’m-”

“Excited?” Kevin softly cut in, gently touching his lips to the hardness still growing beneath the stretching fabric.

“Yeah.” That was a little obvious.

“But you’d like me to stop.”

“No,” Nick quickly replied, reaching out to try and stop Kevin from backing off.

“You don’t want to be caught... I shouldn’t force you into something you really don’t want...” Kevin ignored Nick’s hands and continued to push himself away.

“No, no. No, Kevin, I didn’t say that. I didn’t mean it,” Nick rapidly cried, grabbing Kevin’s hand to try and keep him there.

Kevin stopped, and looked down into the gleaming eyes that stared desperately into his.

“Please,” Nick begged, squeezing Kevin’s hand.

“So you want me to continue?” Kevin coyly asked, tracing a finger along the waistband of Nick’s underwear, teasing with the suggestion it might slip inside.

Nick nodded rapidly.

He watched cautiously as Kevin’s head lowered again, gasping just slightly at the tender sucking below the deep hollow of his belly button. Quite willingly, he released Kevin’s hand when Kevin tried to pull it away. He found himself more than appreciative when the fingers of both Kevin’s hands slipped inside, tugging at the waistband of his Calvins. Nick pushed his hands into his pants, lightly raising his hips and sliding his jeans passed his butt. He didn’t move the underwear though. He left it for Kevin.

Kevin’s fingers pulled at the elastic strap, going particularly slow in releasing Nick’s cock. Though Nick found it unbearably slow, when the brisk coolness finally rushed against his eager cock, he found it excruciatingly wonderful. Another vulnerable area. A place not just anybody got to see. And a place especially not just anybody got to touch. But Kevin could see. Kevin had always seen, as did the other three. But it took a lot to touch.

Everybody wanted to touch Nick, it seemed his entire pubescent and post years. It ended up shying him. He never made it obvious; he was still “sexual” to the outside world. And only to the outside world. Inside, he kept to himself, reluctant to let anyone close enough to really touch him. That part of his life has always been private, and always something he’s avoided divulging to that outside world. Still, Kevin had penetrated the barrier. Kevin had gotten through. But Kevin had no idea there was such a barrier at all. He had noticed Nick’s reluctance when they began, while finding Nick also equally submissive, but found no oddness in it since he also assumed he was simply the first man Nick had been with. Given Nick’s situation, and previous relationships Kevin was positive Nick was at least somewhat experienced.

But Kevin was Nick’s first. Nick’s only. And Kevin had no idea.

Nick’s hips moved faintly, almost unnoticeably so, his bare abdomen followed, rising and falling in the motion of small waves. He moaned, ecstatic, dieing with pleasure as Kevin’s tongue, with lips wrapped firmly around the head, tickled his cock.

Nick licked his lips, jaw shifting, hungry. “I-” Nick moaned, cutting himself off. “I want to kiss you, Kevin. God I want to kiss someone, something.”

Kevin let his lips momentarily leave Nick. “So open your gift,” he plainly replied, letting light kisses trail down the shaft.

“Wha-why?” Nick asked in a strained moan while Kevin’s tongue snaked out, caressing him in the places Kevin was sure would cause Nick to vocalize his contentment.

“Just trust me,” Kevin calmly replied.

“Whe-”

“On the table behind your head,” Kevin cut in, predicting what Nick was asking as he fondled Nick’s balls.

“Oh.” Nick strained back, tilting his head to look upside down and reach for the lamp, then flicked it on. His abdomen stretched, his shirt raising as he moved and causing more to be revealed. After grabbing the package, he collapsed back into the comfort of the couch again. He began to fumble with the wrapping paper, gasping and needing to close his eyes every few seconds, not able to take the intense pleasure Kevin forced on him. “Kevin,” Nick cried, “stop it; I can’t think.”

Kevin’s eyes grinned and he yielded the intensity, just enough to leave Nick with enough mind to tear some paper.

Once the paper was torn away, Nick examined it, noting its lack of labeling. He began working on pulling the top flap at the end of the box open. “Kevin, shit,” he whispered, gritting his teeth. “Stop it.”

“All right, all right,” Kevin quietly replied with naughty eyes and moved his kisses away, pulling back more fabric to kiss Nick’s hips.

“What the heck?” Nick asked, his heart fluttering as he held it.

Kevin grinned, closed-mouthed with a light snicker as he observed Nick’s confusion, fully amused.

A pleasurable tingle of blood draining, or perhaps it was filling, prickled through Nick’s cheeks. He knew it was wrong. He knew it was so wrong. He shouldn’t like it. This...this wasn’t right. And for him to use it...? He didn’t know, but couldn’t help the jolt sent through his crotch. He couldn’t help feeling so thrilled. “Where’d you get it?” he whispered, wide eyes examining the package as if to be sure it was real.

“Found a shop,” Kevin replied, taking the package from Nick’s excitedly shaking hands. “They had this little section...never really knew about this kind of stuff before....but it screamed you.”

“Really?” Nick asked, watching as Kevin peeled off the cardboard backing.

“You’d be surprised how many people are into this kind of stuff...”

“Really?” Nick asked again. That flutter, filled with multiple butterflies now, began wandering through the rest of his body. They fluttered deep into his belly, up his neck, through his crotch and thighs, even all the way to his toes. He felt so embarrassed, so ashamed, but at the same time so elated. As Kevin let the smooth plastic slide under Nick’s fingers, allowing him to hold it, he felt even more aroused than before. “You really want me to use this thing?” Even still, he tried not to blush.

“Of course. Don’t you?”

“But what if she comes down? She’ll think I’m-”

“She’ll think it’s cute, just as I do.”

Unsure, Nick whimpered, looking down at it.

“It’s all right,” Kevin assured, craftily seizing it from Nick’s fingers then unhurriedly guiding it up to Nick’s mouth. He pushed the rubber between Nick’s wet red lips, and smiled at Nick’s resulting appearance. “See? Adorable.”

His eyes sparkled, with a smile hidden behind the large plastic base. Kevin’s act immediately comforted him. Let him know that at least Kevin found it acceptable. And Kevin’s opinion was like law; Kevin knew what he liked and if Kevin liked it, it was perfectly all right to embrace. This nipple in Nick’s mouth, with the plastic outside like a shield, also made him feel safe like the baby it was meant for, though this pacifier was much larger than a baby could ever take. This one was made just for him.

They’d role-played in a way before. Kevin taking control of Nick, reducing him to his little boy. But, though Kevin referred to Nick as ’boy’ like so many doms, or masters do, Kevin could never really get full into the role. He always meant it in much more affectionate a way. And, though the term “Daddy” may have seemed more appropriate, it also never seemed to be in that whole S/M or B/D way, either. It was always more of a nurturing thing, and Nick liked to drop all outside responsibilities, and become completely dependent on Kevin. Nick found he really liked being taken care of. And loved like this. But he also liked to be disciplined.

And this here was just an added piece to the scene. And something to satisfy Nick’s hungry lips and quiet his relentless moans, but also maybe to ease Nick’s anxieties, and help him fall a little more easily into that role, or state, that he so desired to. Besides that, Kevin simply found it to be an attractive accessory.

Gradually, Kevin’s kisses trailed down Nick’s face to his neck, nuzzling into and kissing his cotton covered chest. He then gently touched his lips to the smoothness of Nick’s belly and drug it along until he reached the area he let off at. As Kevin’s tongue began to trace the crevasses of Nick’s cock, Nick’s explored the rubber in his mouth. He sucked on it at the odd moment, rolling his head back against the pillow with a muffled cry. Kevin, upon noticing the lack of noise Nick tended to make, increased his manipulations, taking more of him.

Nick’s eyes were closed, brows locked in an ecstatically painful expression, and breath panted deeply through his nose. His chest rose and dropped steadily to match this, and his fingers dug into the cushions of the couch, grasping them in his disoriented bliss. Instead of moaning, he sucked, the suction releasing then drawing back in to pulling the plastic tightly against his lips, in an unhurried but intent manner.

Kevin’s hand moved with his mouth now, helping aid Nick’s pleasure, and drive Nick to that peak. The other hand loosened the grasp of one of Nick’s from the couch and filled it with his own. Nick squeezed and bucked, whimpering only the tiniest, strained groan as Kevin brought his release. He panted, his breath even but shallow as Kevin lovingly worked it out of him, and caressed and kissed him on his way down. As Kevin’s flawless treatment continued, looked down at him, staring down the length of his chest and abdomen with blissfully peaceful eyes.

At precisely the appropriate time, as Kevin just always knew, he fixed Nick’s underwear, then crawled up his body and settled against him. “Hey, baby...”

Nick blinked sleepily, with a small, innocent smile. Though reluctant at first, he allowed Kevin’s caring fingers to gently pluck the pacifier from his hungry lips. He replaced it with something just as satisfying though, and tenderly sucked on Nick’s lips, Nick eventually responding in the same manner.

“I have to go to sleep now, baby,” Kevin whispered, his eyes gazing compassionately into Nick’s. “But you’re tired, too, aren’t you?”

Nick nodded, with another heavy-lidded blink.

“Goodnight, Darling.” He kissed Nick’s forehead, his thumb affectionately caressing its place afterwards. Before going, he offered the pacifier back to Nick’s presently lonely lips, and smiled warmly as Nick took it. His finger made one last gentle sweep through Nick’s hair before he headed up the stairs to his wife.

It took a few minutes or so for reality to settle in again. For Nick’s loneliness to sweep in and suffocate him like a slowly forming, but steadily increasing fog. He had something though, and it gave him a little warm surge in his heart as he turned off the TV and walked all by himself to the guestroom, though Kevin didn’t let anybody but Nick sleep in this one. He had Kevin’s gift, Kevin’s caring and love in his mouth. This pacifier helped pacify his hunger, and his loneliness, and provided him with a distraction, and a piece of Kevin’s love while he was without. This pacifier was like...his little piece of Kevin. Nobody else would ever have Kevin this way, nor would they receive such from him. It was so embarrassing in a way, too. But a good kind of shame because the only other who knew was Kevin, the man who had given it to him. It made Nick feel special.

Nick closed the door after entering the room, not bothering to turn on a light. He didn’t want to wake himself up. He didn’t want to rise from this contented haze. But as he turned over the sheets after stripping to his underwear, a large mass in the bed surprised him. Startled, he turned on the light.

Softly he grunted his realization, then smiled bashfully, humbled by the added effort Kevin had obviously gone to for him. Curiously he reached out, to let the especially pleasant feel of it tickle his fingers. The grazing of his fingers across the pink ribbon inadvertently caused something to slip from it. Nick gasped a little, once again startled, but promptly picked up and opened the small white envelope as soon as he spotted it.

“Nick,

I just wanted to give you a little more, and remind you that I love you, Nicky. And I want you to know I’ll always be here. I’m sorry I can’t love you as my only. But you know in our reality it could never work. But this is the way that it can. I enjoy every second with you, and thank you for the type love you give me, and let me give, that nobody else ever could.

Affectionately,
Kevin