One time we walked under the stars.

Brian’s dog needed to be taken out, so I scooped him up and headed out. It was pitch black but that didn’t matter. Once my eyes adjusted I could see just fine. The moon tends to help that kinda thing at night. And it was cool to be in the dark. Nobody knows who you are in the dark, especially not out in the middle of nowhere. Nobody is there to see you, bother you, criticize you, know you. You own the world at night. It’s just dark and dirt and crickets, the cool smell of wet grass, and the sea of stars above. Nobody exists but you then. Unless Kevin pops up behind you to casually tag along.

I didn’t groan or complain. I didn’t think I needed him there but, of course, being in a strange place I was glad to have somebody with me. I just hoped he wasn’t going to lecture me for going out alone.

“He’s pooping, you need to stop,” Kevin bluntly informed me.

Stopping, I looked down to search for the tiny Chihuahua in the shadows. There he stood, or sat, whichever it is, squatting, with me practically strangling him with the leash. “Oops. Well, ya know, he’s so small.”

Kevin smiled sympathetically, one of those smiles you can only see in the eyes. It was especially striking because I swear I saw the stars reflected in them. I didn’t think the stars were bright enough or...I guess since I’d never seen it I hadn’t expected it could happen. But it made me shiver. A good shiver though. It made Kevin like...enchanting.

The dog finished and tottered towards my legs, looking up with his little shivering body, asking me what I, the one with the leash, wanted to do now.

“You gonna keep going?” Kevin asked. I smiled a little, thinking of Kevin as the dog, or like Kevin’s deep vibrating voice belonged to the tiny little thing on the ground.

I shrugged. “Yeah. Why not? You gonna come with us then?” I asked, trying to appear indifferent.

“Where are you going?”

“Up the road? I don’t know. We have time. And it’s, like, so nice out here. Not a bad thing to walk, either.”

“Not a bad thing at all,” Kevin replied with a smile, this one with a bit more curve of his lips.

“So you coming?”

“Yes.”

Then we began to walk, the sound of our feet scraping the dirt and rocks below somewhat fading out the natural sounds of night. Not long after we had started off again, Tyke slowed, once more looking up at me, this time with a little yip. Again, I stopped and I looked down at him. “Walking isn’t bad for you either,” I told him in a softly strict voice.

He whimpered.

“Come on,” I gently coaxed, lightly yanking at the leash.

He cried again.

Kevin had stopped, too. He was watching me, obviously amused. I ignored him. “What’s wrong, puppy?” I asked in a baby pout, reaching for him.

He yipped again, but was more than willing to let me pull him into my arms.

“Poor baby is so tired after walking and pooping,” I cooed, kissing his head.

Kevin chuckled.

I glared at him.

With another smile that made the stars glint in his eyes, he said, “He could have kept walking. If you would have kept going.”

“Well I’m going now. It doesn’t matter.”

“But the whole point in taking the dog for a walk is to walk the dog.”

“He was tired and, look, he shivering.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s cold.”

“He’s cold. I’m cold.”

“I’m not,” Kevin replied, placing his hand on the dog’s back.

I looked at him, annoyed, and still walking. Kevin was so close I could feel his warmth. I wanted his warmth. He had a sweatshirt and long sleeve shirt and T-shirt on, each under the previous. All I had was a T-shirt, and not even a tank top under that. That wasn’t fair. “That’s nice.”

A light laugh, again so very amused, dripped from Kevin’s lips. His hand slipped from the dog to my arm, in one petting motion. He held it there, and my faint shivers permeated inside to tremor deep into my bones. God his touch is always so nice. And with how cold I was, it felt especially warm.

“You want my sweatshirt?”

I looked at him like he was crazy. Then I remembered he couldn’t quite see. “I’ll live.”

“No, no. Just stop for a minute.” He peeled it off, tugging upwards and being sure to keep it right-side-out. “Put your arms up.”

“I can’t; I have a dog,” I cockily told him.

“Okay, one arm at a time,” he replied, pulling the scrunched up sweatshirt over my head without my consent. He grabbed my hands, each separately, to help tuck them inside and push through the arm holes and even slid it down my waist, adjusting it for me. Though it was kind of odd for him to be so casually nice and attentive towards me out here, it felt nice. No point in objecting.

I hugged the dog again, wrapping him in my arms and relishing in the warmth. Kevin’s warmth. I finally had it. And damn did it feel good. It even had Kevin’s smell on it. He always smells good. I don’t. Which made it weird that he actually was letting me wear his shirt. And his hooded Kentucky one, no less. Granted, they’re about the only real sweatshirts he has. Kevin doesn’t wear things like that much--his clothes are always so much more mature than mine. I don’t really care about mature. As long as it fits and doesn’t smell too much; I’ll wear it. But I still felt kinda...special that he let me wear it. And cared enough to make me warm.

“Do you see the stars?” he asked, his head titled back.

I looked up. “Ummm....yes.” Duh. How couldn’t I?

“It seems like forever since I’ve seen them. Not like this. We’re so far out, no city lights fade them out or anything. This is like the brightest possible.”

“Oh.” I tilt my head back completely, looking directly up. “Crap that’s a lot of stars. I mean, not that I didn’t always know that, but like every time I stop to look it’s just so cool.”

I didn’t get to enjoy it for long. At that point I was forced to realize I had forgotten we were still walking. It was then that I tripped over his feet. Then that I went flying towards the ditch. And then that Tyke went flying from my arms because Kevin reached out to save me but, instead of grabbing the back of the sweatshirt, he grabbed the hood. It jerked me backwards, severely startling me. I knew at that point I didn’t have the dog anymore but I also really didn’t care. I couldn’t breath. I had no idea when I was on the ground, my face in the dirt and wet grass, while my throat felt like a balloon had inflated in it. I tried and tried to pull in air while also trying not to panic and cry.

Eventually, as little gasps wheezed through, I felt Kevin’s hand on my back, and his warmth to the side. He started shushing me, saying, “You just had the wind knocked out of ya; it’ll be all right. Just breathe.” Yeah, no crap.

I kept my face in the ground, my warm tears mixing with the cold wetness of the grass. Damn it. I had tried so hard not to.

“Don’t cry or it will make it harder to breathe; just calm down. Relax. It’ll be all right,” he said, so comfortingly.

How did he know I was crying? I was only barely breathing and he couldn’t see my face. Man.

Then it was calm. Or at least I was, somewhat. Realizing how stupid I was for panicking so much. I was all right. I thought.

Kevin kept rubbing my back and whispering to me. Even though I was lying on the ground and all wet, I didn’t want to move. Kevin felt good.

“You okay now?” he asked, and I felt his breath brush my hair. I liked that, too.

“My neck hurts,” I whispered.

“Sorry about that. I was just trying to-”

“Yeah, I know, that’s okay,” I whispered as I sat up. It hurt to talk, too. “Oh shit,” I whined. I felt like crying all over again. “Where’s the dog?”

Kevin, sitting on the grass beside me, twisted his body, looking in every direction. “Oh hi,” he then cooed. “What are you doing over there?” He leaned behind him and picked up the, again, trembling little body. “Did Nick scare you away? Awe that’s okay; he does that to all of us.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, feeling my wetness, which prompted me to inspect the sweatshirt. I touched my elbow, which felt kind of sore, and discovered the mud smeared along it. “I ruined your sweatshirt,” I pouted, mostly feeling sorry for myself.

“That’s okay,” he replied with a smile in his tone. “I kinda ripped the hood when I grabbed you...so it’s my fault, too. And I got plenty more of those, anyway.”

“Oh.” I held my throat, rubbing it.

“We should get back.”

“Yeah.” I stood up along with him.

He didn’t give the dog back, and carried him the entire while. I didn’t really want him back, anyway. I was too set on feeling sorry for myself. Kevin even brought the dog back to Brian, as I went back to my bus. I closed the door that separated my section from the rest of the bus and stripped to my underwear. Not much later I washed the dirt off my face, then crawled into bed. I figured it might be a while before we were off again, and the rest of them were all still meeting and talking, but I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to feel warm and wrap myself up in the thick covers.

But of course things couldn’t just end that way.

“No, you can’t come in,” I said as somebody started to open the door I had closed for a reason.

“It’s just me,” the voice assured as the door closed behind him.

I think my heart smiled at that moment. If that was possible. “Oh... Why?” It was so hard to try and keep my face from smiling, though.

“You still cold?” he asked, slipping off all his shirts.

“Yes,” I whispered, my breath taken away, but in a much better way than before.

“Can I...” His pants dropped. “Warm you up?”

I swallowed. I didn’t think he was going to... After this? “But, what about-?”

“I asked ’im to use my bus tonight and that I was simply going to use one of your bunks. Just ‘cause I need to talk to ya is all,” he said with a wink. “So you want to play?”

I nodded. As he crawled in beside me, I couldn’t help but ask, “But why tonight?”

His arm came around me and he kissed my neck, right where the shirt’s collar had gotten me. “I feel bad. I wanted to make you feel better. Is that all right?”

“Yeah.” Like I could say no when it came to that, anyway. I never had before. But it had been so long...and I was in a calm-Kevin-mood.

“But I still want you anyway,” he tenderly growled, nipping at my ear. One hand fiddled with my hair while the other traveled a little lower to fiddle with something else. Directly into my shorts he pushed that hand. Under the waistband and into the heat. I thrust into his touch. His hand...so very very very warm. Just as I let out a moan, his mouth captured mine and he was almost on top of me. Then it was even warmer.

We started to move. Not just us, but the bus. And Kevin dimmed the lights. Then he made us naked. Then he wrapped himself around me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do; and I didn’t know how far I wanted it to go. I just wanted him to be there. Around me. His body, his smell, his warmth.

Kevin didn’t pay a lot of attention to me, ususally. Which was maybe why when he did feel like getting back in touch with me, apologizing, simply trying to make me feel better, or whatever, that I received things so...intimately.

Did I find him attractive? Yes. Did I have a crush on him? I still don’t know. Because there were so many times I just didn’t care about him, where he just didn’t do anything for me, and touching him or being close to him was the farthest thing from my mind. But when I think about it, those times often tended to be those in which he stopped paying attention to me first. When I didn’t get feedback from him, through just looks, touches, conversation--I lost interest. And I was calm. And things were okay. They might have built a bit in between, when all I wanted was him, but then they settled again. The hardest times were after we were together, because I knew things would eventually have to fall back to normal. Like I said, it was always a gradual slope and didn’t hurt too much because things went back to an acceptable norm. But afterwards I knew I wouldn’t feel the love, affection, and attention that drove me to be with him in the first place. Because right afterwards my memory was still so fresh and remembered all that desire. Still, I always knew someday it could happen again. He’d always be there.

That night, simple things made him want to love me. I walked with him, fell over, ruined his shirt, and cried. I don’t know why he decided to want me that night. Maybe because I so really needed him.

When he asked if I wanted to play, he turned out to mean it. He started to tickle me and I giggled like crazy. The smooth skin of our nude bodies rubbed against each others. He kept going until I begged him to stop and almost kneed him in the crotch.

“Why’d you do that?” I giggled, holding his face and kissing it.

“I just wanted to see you grin.” Then he kissed that grin.

I was happy. Very happy. And though I blushed, I kept grinning. Even as he pulled the covers away and kissed down my chest. He licked and nibbled at everything, keeping me warm without the covers. When he got to my dick, I wished he could do something orally, besides just with his tongue, but with the way the bus moved, I knew he wouldn’t. I also really didn’t want to risk being bit, either.

Holding it, with odd licks here and there, he paused to tell me, “I really love your penis, Nick.”

I kept smiling. I liked the comment, even if I didn’t really understand.

Then he went on. “The taste, texture-” He paused, to suck at the shaft just a little, his eyelids fluttering as he moaned. “The...prettiness. Innocent beauty like the rest of your body. Smooth and sweet and plump.”

I didn’t say anything to him, just kept on smiling, and pulled my knees up and to the side a little more.

“That an invitation?”

I closed my mouth for this smile, as well as my eyes, then opened them still somewhat scrunched--my expression rather devilish. “Yep.”

“You want me to fuck you, baby?” he asked, his finger tickling my ass.

Once he said that, called me ‘baby’, it made my heart flicker and I was gone. I was his and I wasn’t unsure. Nothing felt wrong in the slightest anymore. “I want anything that feels good.”

“You have your stuff with you?”

My stuff. My bag of, um...toys. Only Kevin knew about those. And that’s where the lube was.

“Down there,” I said pointing to the floor beside my bed.

He crawled to the side of the bed and bent himself over it to find my bag, letting me watch his nakedness.

And I laid there, letting him take care of me, him do everything. I cried and gasped. Shuddered and moaned. I hoped I wasn’t too loud. The, actually rather loud, hum of the engine and all else blocked out a bit of it. But then again I didn’t really care either way. He took care of it, he took care of me, and told me how beautiful I was right then, how much I turned him on and how very good I felt. I tried to do all I could in return, to touch his back, stomach, and legs. To let my fingertips tickle from the feel of his skin, but he overwhelmed me. That’s the way he liked it. And that’s the reason he came to me.

I liked to feel him inside me. He’s so damn big, making me so...full. I knew sometime there was pain, but as long as he kept moving, I couldn’t feel any of that. I just needed him to keep going. Forever. Forever--that’s what I thought. It seemed liked it. It was ecstasy the whole time. He made me sweat and pant and did the same above me, all his heat searing through my body. I never thought I could be so warm. So content. But he always made me feel that way. Makes me wonder how I’m able to forget about it so easily.

“You feel good, baby?” he grunted. Was that the stars in his eyes? Maybe it was just because they smiled.

“Yeah, don’t stop,” I moaned. “It’s so, god, close.”

I don’t know how he did it, but he made it even better. And I couldn’t make anything last longer, I couldn’t hold on to the pressure any longer. His hand touched me to help let it all go, and let me know he really didn’t mind that I couldn’t hang in there. He wanted me to lose it.

Not much later, I don’t even think it was even a few seconds, his swift strokes slowed and his hips shuddered violently. It was a rather perverse thought, but he reminded me of a dog. His face almost expressionless, and nothing but his pelvis jerking, all of it automatic. Controlled by his orgasm.

Even as he came down, literally coming down, he seemed kind of out of it. Not that I wasn’t. But he looked so sleepy, with half closed lazy eyelids. Again--not that I wasn’t the same.

“Feel better?” he asked, the bulk of his body to the side of me but the upper portion wrapped around me.

“Mmm hmm.” I closed my eyes, inhaling the consoling scent of his hair as I pet it.

“Goodnight.”

“Yeah.”

I thought I could be okay. I am. I think. But that was just one night. That was just the night we walked under the stars.